city girls are just country girls....

ok so have 2 questions...
first..is anyone really gifted at planning parties..i want to have a sweet sixteen but like..ughh i don't want to do it alone, but i guess i have to so i need to pick a cool place to have it, but i don't want to be expensive. so that rules out like hotels, and fancy places. blahhh i dont want to do this!!!!
and second question..i'm going to stone harbor, nj tomorrow morning, and are there any cute guys there? is there stuff to do? if you know anything about it..let me knowww!!!!

o man, last night was wonnderrrfull....i hung out with abby and scott and a few 04 seniors. it was just a reallly fun night, i woke up this morning and i was like wow. we went out to dinner to visit lauren at work. i felt so awkard b/c it was my first time hanging out with all them, but they were all really cool, except the fact that like all they talked about was baseball. but still good, then stefan drove us to joe's house where casey and joe were to watch real world. we ended up staying there until like 2 30 am, casey knew all this random baseball trivia so he was doing that and i was extremely bored with the baseball so we had oc trivia, and then movie trivia and then we played the movie game. it's so funny that like we didn't really do anything that interesting, but it was so fun. they're all really cool and funny. i would never have imagined that i'd be hanging out with these guys that like were the coolest things when i was a freshman. its so strange. im really glad i decided to go, and i didn't even think about ben once. well maybe once but that was only when casey asked me about him. but it was all good. well i gotta get ready to walk in the heat to therapy. party party.

i want to update more. it's just hard b/c i don't have my own computer. but anyway, so last night was nate's bbq at his house. it was okay, kind of awkward for me, b/c ben was there, and we were all sitting in nate's courtyard and i needed a chair. the only one open was next to ben. totally uncomfortable. he kept trying to make small talk, i'd rather ignore him. but the truth is, i don't want to ignore him, but i don't want to pretend like we're friends now. you don't become friends that quickly after breaking up. especially because we were so close.
annyyywwayyy....it was nice how everyone came, i was glad. a good group of people. after most people left, the remaining ( me, nate, julie, ben, and jen) went up to the deck and sang songs and talked. it was fun. i feel way more at ease in smaller groups. when everyone was there, there was wayy too much conversation going on at once. everyone was talking about their great trips to south america. i felt left out, and annoyed. but i'm just jealous b/c i've been here. hopefully next summer will be better. it's gotta be.
today's the two month mark of johnny's death. i still can't believe that he's gone. i miss him so much.
next update i'll try to be more cheerful.

so, yesterday ben and i broke up. i don't really want to talk about how it happened, all i have to say is that i am disppointed and actually alone. i realized today that i have no one here for me all the time. everything sucks.

well...this is a really weird summer for me. i don't feel like hanging out with anyone, i don't feel like having fun. i don't feel like i should be having fun. and we've only been out of school for what? a week? a week and a half? it's going to go by really slowly, most of the time i'm in this horrible mood and all i want to do is just stay at home. and i know that's gotta be like the worst thing for me right now, but i don't feel like going out and pretending to have fun. with johnny gone, all of this summer fun seems to be so out of place. like i feel guilty for having fun, so i don't want to. blech.
and i miss ben. he hasn't even been in costa rica for a week. it's really hard. i need to talk to him. i need to talk to someone. i need to get out of this house, but i have no motivation.
for the first time ever, i'd actually rather be in school.
my mom says that i should go see a grieving counselor, i guess that could be an ok idea, but the thought of talking to someone that i don't know about what i'm going through, and about somone they don't know seems pointless. i think a therapist would be a good idea, i don't know. i don't know anything.

i'm 15. how can i be expected to handle death? especially of one of my friends. it's like all of this is fake, everyone coming to us and "helping" us cope, is some horrible really un-funny joke. but i know in the back of my mind that it is real. he's not coming back. and it's so unfair, and it has changed my life forever. and i have no idea how i'm supposed to deal with this, it's so terrible and so real and permenant. like i tried to think that it wasn't happening, but everytime someone mentioned the accident, and the funeral, i'm just like fuck. this is so real. and so weird, and scary.
i need some help.

Which Character from Laguna Beach are you? (PICS) by lilpep
Name (Capitilize first letter)
Favorite Color (Capitilize first letter)
Favorite Hobby/Sport (Capitilize first letter)
Best Physical Feature (Capitilize first letter)
You are:
Quiz created with MemeGen!

i love lo!

Your full name::Bridget Joan Naughton
Height:: 5'6''
Natural hair color:: strawberry blond/red/brown/orange...idk
Eye color:: brown
Number of siblings:: one AMAZING sister!
Glasses/contacts?:: contacts
Piercings:: none

Tattoos:: no
What are you listening to?:: bright eyes...of course!
FAVORITE
Color:: green
Band:: bright eyes!
Song:: too many
Stuffed animal:: simba
Video game:: i dont play video games
TV shows::the OC
Movie:: clueless
Book:: closer, the perks of being a wallflower
Food::baby carrots
Flower:: i dont have one
Scent:: polo blue
Comic book:: comic books? how about atomic county?
Cereal:: special k red berries
Cartoons: umm...?
DO YOU
Play an instrument?:: i used to play trumpet
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?:: geez
Have a job?:: yes
Have a cell phone?:: duh!
Like to play sports?:: not reallt
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: yes
Have a crush on someone?:: on someone else? no
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?:: no we have 3?
Have any special talents/skills?:: um spending money really fast?
Like school?:: the actual classes? no

CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?:: with some time i bet i could
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?:: yes
Speak any other languages?:: spanish but im not fluent..and gibberish..o jealous...i know
Go a day without food?:: i have before
Read music, not just tabs?:: i used to be able to
Eat a whole pizza?:: no


HAVE YOU EVER
Cried to get out of trouble?:: many a time, many a time
Gotten lost in your city?:: no
Seen a shooting star?:: no
Been to any other countries besides the united states?:: yes

Stolen something important to someone else?:: no
Cried over a girl?:: my friends? yeh i guess so

Cried over a boy?:: of course
Kissed a random stranger?:: no i dont think
Hugged a random stranger?::no
Been in a fist fight?:: no

Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?:: haha yes
Been to warped tour?:: nope
Kicked a guy where it hurts?::not on purpose
Been in love?:: i am : )
Been close to love?::yes
Ran over an animal and killed it?:: o no! don't say that!
Bitten someone?::hahah yes!
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?:: no : (
Gotten the chicken pox?:: yepp

WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Read a book:: yesterday
Had a slumber party:: hmm...its been a while
Got sick:: i have a sore throat
Cursed:: i guess today


PICK ONE
black/white:: white
Lights on/lights off:: off

TV/movie:: depends what im watching

Car/truck:: car
Body spray/lotion::perfume...im a classy lady
Cash/check:: cash
Pillows/blankets:: blankets
Headache/stomach ache:: neither
Paint/charcoal:: paint
Chinese food/mexican food:: chinese
Summer/winter:: summer
Snow/rain:: rain
Fog/misty:: misty?
Rock/rap:: rock
Meat/vegetarian:: vegetarian
Boy/girl:: boy
Chocolate/vanilla::chocolate
Sprinkles/icing:: icing
Cake/pie::cake
French toast/french fries:: french fries
Strawberries/blueberries::don't make me pick!

Ocean/swimming pool:: swimming pool
Hugs/kisses:: kisses
Cookies/muffins:: muffins
Cat/dog:: cat
Pants/shorts::skirts

Winter break/spring break:: summer break
Spring/autumn:: spring
Clouds/clear sky:: clear sky

FRIENDSHIP
Do you have a best friend?:: yeah
Have you ever liked one of your friends?::guy friends? yes
Have you ever lost a friend?:: yes..but not dead

Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend?:: yepp
LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?:: yes
What is your idea of the best date?:: there is not one best date...
What was your first kiss like?:: it was on a crazy night..so it gets forgotten under all that drama
Whats the best experience youve ever had with the opposite sex?:: anytime w/ him
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before?::not single
Have you ever been dumped?:: yes
Have you ever dumped someone?:: yes
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?:: yes
pretty?:: yes
sarcastic?:: yes
lazy?:: yes
hyper?:: yes
friendly?:: yes
smart?:: yes
strong?:: umm..no
talented?:: not really
dorky?:: of course
FOR OR AGAINST
suicide:: i mean i'm not going to be like o yes! but i mean if you think you need to, then i guess i can't stop you
airplanes:: they're against
war::AGAINST
aborition:: pro choice
sex before marrige:: for
gay marriage:: for
cars:: for
coffee:: for
pants:: for?

WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?:: maybe
Run away?:: yes
Curse at a teacher?:: no
Not take a shower for a week?:: i would but not prefer it
Ask someone out?:: i guess
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?:: perhaps
Go scuba diving?:: yes
Write a book?:: it wouldnt be great but i guess i could try
Become a rockstar?:: i dont know why i'd ever be one
LAST QUESTIONS
What kind of computer do you have?:: iBook
What grade are you in?:: 10
How many posters do you have in your room?:: sixteen candles and a bunch of collages and bulletin board
How many cds do you have:: a lot. most are burnt mixes for the pod
What time is is now?:: 6:43

wow, well i only update this when i am pretty bored, and well, i am pretty bored. i'm just glad school is almost over. i have finals this week, and god they suck. the only one i am really worried about is math. if i fail i probably will have to go to summer school. ew, i don't even want to think about that. while my friends are off in ecuador and my boyfriend is in costa rica i'll be stuck in masterman? i just hope i pass it.
annnyyyywwaayyy.....i have nothing exciting to do this summer.